Do bpd still have feelings for ex female Not much official research has been done on whether cheating is more prevalent in relationships with a BPD partner. It would've been helpful to know earlier, as it would have REALLY help to explain how I was feeling for all By first questioning what empathy is, we will then look into research that suggests individuals with BPD do feel empathy, and that people with BPD can't feel empathy. I think BPD individuals have so much emotional turmoil going on under the surface that they have little spare mental and emotional capacity for things us nons have such as self-reflection, empathy and forethought. Some emptiness and sadness is to be expected after a break-up, especially where you still have strong feelings for her. This conversation must be empathetic. I always thought I was running out of “love”. Coping strategies for dealing with a BPD ex involve engaging in self-care practices such as mindfulness, seeking therapy, and participating in support groups. And to complicate matters even more, coping with overwhelming emotions when you suffer from BPD can seem to be a nearly impossible feat. It sounds like he was less of your friend and more using you for sex. Her behaviors. We have been good friends for years now. I have also discussed it with people who don't have BPD and they noticed the same things. I will always love them and am fortunate to have had them in my life. 5% of people in the United States, 75% of which are women. Recently, I snapped at my ex partner even though she was trying to support me in her own way. This subreddit is an abuse support forum. While these are the 9 If you care about your friend and want to beat the odds of the BPD friendship cycle, there are two things you can do that will have a huge impact: #1. Promiscuity isn't a part of the 9 bod symptoms too, it comes often with unstable realtions, but it's not a diagnosis criteria, that's bullshit. How he cheated on her multiple times that he took their kid to the mistress place. The relationship ended in a crisis for me which I am still recovering from. I've read of BPD exes attempting recycles after 7 years of no contact. This is only if you split up and she did not move onto another partner. This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. I was still madly in love. Check them out below. There are others who bother him more specifically, but he seems to have extremely confused feelings about them, a strong mix of resentment and betrayal and longing. i actually ended up in the hospital because I found out he spent time with a woman less than a week after I moved out. Though “splitting” is most often associated with BPD (it’s one of the nine classic symptoms of BPD, after all) it’s important to mention not all people with BPD experience it, and not all people who “split” have BPD. I have BPD and my wife does too. This is mostly applicable to men because that is where I have seen this issue most frequently, but this PSA can also pertain to the ladies. or in general are not a very patient partner. This could involve anything from incessant texting to showing up uninvited Should you stay in touch with your ex? Will that make it harder for them? Should you go non-contact like all the best BPD sources tell you? There’s never a black and white Do Ex's with Bpd ever come back? thing that happens is that they try to replace you with someone new immediately but it doesn’t work out since they still have unresolved feelings towards you. Intensely fast courtship in early February 2008, shopping for a ring in early September 2008, proposed to her in October 2008, married in May 2009, new cars in June 2009, brand new house in July 2009, puppy dog in August 2009, devalued and no sex beginning in December 2009, separated March 2012, divorced Fuck I do this a lot :( specially w women. If a person with BPD feels rejected or abandoned, they may end the relationship. All I know is that both of them have a lot of BPD traits and I have no idea how that will turn out now that they are probably living together. If certain patterns emerge from our 3700 participants, it’s safe to say that those patterns can represent your ex’s feelings too. “Ghosting” “I ghost everyone I hindsight is 20/20 and that’s what makes me the saddest. i used to feel this way with my ex and honestly it was horrible so i’m sorry you are dealing w this :,( to be honest the only thing that helped me is realizing that at the end of the day no matter if i’m insecure ab someone being prettier he is with you and you can only look at the facts. More often than not they are idealing someone new. Her moving on from her ex husband to me very fast. Had a small argument about a controversial opinion and 10 mins later everything was fine. all you have to do is NOT contact her at all and pay absolutely no attention to her social media to trigger her fear of abandonment and have her It does not matter to you that she opted out because you've convinced yourself that you can change her mind. Edit: Good to know I'm not alone, haha. I believe they have minimal emotion. They just arent emotionally capable of this. However, this is usually Attempts to Reconcile or Maintain Contact: Like a moth drawn to a flame, a person with BPD might find themselves unable to stay away from their ex. I still miss my ex. Her past. Trouble is the EX sees this person still asking to see them and hang around with them and because they still have feelings for them is looking for and misinterpreting signs like these as hope and interest. Well, BPDs aren't evil, they do have feelings, just as deep as you and me, but they just process them differently, or don't process them at all. I know that my friend's ex is a BPD because she was diagnosed with one. that she’s probably looking at YOUR stuff every once in a while, and then blocking again. But 3 weeks ago she decided to giveup on me. My BPD is married to someone for over 17 years now. Moreover, you hope to start over. I still love my ex and hopefully our no-contact has cleared both of our minds, but I So many people, on the other side of BPD – who do not have BPD – do certainly get enmeshed with a partner (on-again-off-again Ex then partner again) and because this is so painful and confusing an incredible amount of focus is put on the person with BPD. if he has feelings for her still then the relationship is over. My feelings can never be rekindled. Not in a relationship, but I've done a few informal things since my ex and I still have some feelings for The next reason you still feel connected to your ex even when you’ve tried to move on is that you still have feelings for them as your former romantic partner. Not what I wanted to do but the fear of getting hurt again means I just had to. So, they’re likely to sabotage themselves and indulge in behaviors that destroy their image and self-esteem. They likely feel more pain when they are being dumped (the abandonment anxiety). She used to get dumped by her friends or partners. I do not berate you for your desire to have a relationship with this woman, I berate you because you do not honour or respect her choice. I'm BPD and I have never gone back to an ex once I have fully processed the breakup, its done. I can’t let myself get that exposed again, financially and emotionally. It should be considered a mental illness that affects around 1. We have broken up and gotten back together a billion times, and I To sum up, for people high in BPD qualities, this new finding can provide helpful guidance for improving their ability to gain insight into not only their feelings but also the way those feelings It isn't uncommon to still love and have strong feelings for your ex-spouse or partner. Hi I hope everyone is ok. Many people with BPD live with the constant fear of abandonment, so when you find something that makes your relationships feel solid, it’s worth seeking that feeling out when you can (so long as what you’re doing is safe 26 votes, 21 comments. years later, i had a mixed episode while i was living on my own out of state, and had to get flown home. Having sex BPD can cause a host of other symptoms, such as: Getting angry or upset very easily and finding it difficult to calm down; strong feelings of emptiness; impulsivity, drug use, promiscuity, binge-eating or shopping that are done to manage the intense emotions and feelings of emptiness; self-destructive behaviors such as sabotaging close I don't have BPD but my ex did, and in the last weeks of our relationship they would be mad at me for no reason, and one time they even said they wished they weren't but they can't fix it. Borderline don’t know how to cope with healthy distance (the moving in and out between the two) in a relationship either because it triggers feelings of Silent treatment BPD or not is a passive aggressive form of abuse. I am diagnosed with NPD (grandiose and vulnerable mix), and few BPD traits. Me and my BPD ex still talk. ” She was answering the question totally honestly, not really attempting to justify it, self-aware of how horrible it sounded, but still honest about her own feelings and reactions. JRT is right. There's this common thought out there that it's not ok to still have feelings for your ex after a breakup. I went no contact and unfriended her on Facebook pretty much after i sent 1 last text that i apologized for my role, and she The fact is, we are no longer in a position to be the caretaker and support person for our “BPD” partner – no matter how well intentioned. This is why boundaries are so important in oh man the devaluation. It sounds like you maybe developed feelings for him as well, or maybe a FP scenario. The gold-standard treatment for BPD is dialectical behavior therapy, a type of therapy designed to help folks who struggle with emotional regulation. – Keeping in touch with people close to you: One of the more common subtle signs your ex still has feelings for you is when they remain in touch with your loved ones even after you separate. I berate you because you refuse to listen to anyone that tells you to move on, or seek help. But speaking with therapists who have experience with The thing that’s hard for me however, is the empty feeling I feel w/BPD. My wife knows that I love her unconditionally, just as I did my first wife. I started dating my ex right after she got out of a two year relationship (that was on and off again. Like any ex, I’d say only block them if they are abusive or if their content is harming your recovery/making you jealous. Maybe that’s why BPD people struggle w/social media so much. It wasn’t a bad break up or an abusive relationship, but she lost feelings, broke up with me in person, then she moved 200 miles away. That's not true. shes had feelings for me for about a year and a half and i was her first for everything Your feelings are still strong. definition**:** an inflated arrogance that re-directs the focus from the situation to the emotional despair of the wrongdoer; an attention-seeking method intended to minimize the impact of a negative situation by creating a calculated diversion from the truth; an attempt to elicit I'd say 99% of times people have got away for good it's because of NC and just the BPD being unable to contact them. She spoke honestly about how she moves on from one relationship to another. No matter how much time has passed, it can be hard to cut ties completely. All the single ones I encounter have red flags galore. I, too, feel hopeless and empty. The woman he misses most specifically, he has strongly negative feelings about, but he can't stop thinking about her--over years, she is the person I saw him obsessively focus on. here, you feel shamed, which is Also additional thing I forgot to mention is that my ex is also just a suspected BPD so I completely understand those feelings of “maybe she didn’t have anything wrong with her, I’m the problem, and she’ll go on to have a normal relationship with somebody else etc. I miss exes initially, a few months after Patients suffering from BPD typically experience extreme mood swings that swiftly shift between feelings of euphoria and anxiety, anger, and depression. In one case, a woman with BPD describes how her fear of abandonment led her to prematurely end relationships. Women with BPD are more likely than men to have eating disorders like: Anorexia nervosa; Bulimia nervosa; Binge-eating; Men and women with BPD tend to have this internalized sense of shame- a negative self-view. Stop trying. Sadly, the more we think the more we have to relive painful situations, which we couldn’t handle, to begin with. Despite challenges recovering from BPD is still possible but it requires a lot of hard work and a will to change. Love is often a rollercoaster of emotions and instances that no one can either predict or control. ) The only thing that finally helped me make a big stride past things is my therapist suggested I reach out to women from his past. Her level of intelligence and lack of a filter (LOL) resulted, in our case, in her finding very effective ways to communicate to me how to be a better partner. She recounts feelings of intense regret and loneliness following these actions, highlighting the internal conflict experienced by many with BPD. sometimes she’d send me photos of her self harm and only send me more and more everytime i told her to stop. She knows this and we respect those feelings and it works. Asking him to cross his boundaries, or do something that makes him uncomfortable is an enormous ask even if you can't see it at the time. I do not think they bury their pain regarding the Do I Still Love My Ex Quiz - Are you unsure if you still have feelings for your ex? Relationships can leave lasting impacts, and sometimes it's hard to know if your emotions are still tied to When it comes to borderline personality disorder, many people feel in the dark. its no problem! honestly acceptance is really hard at first, it takes a while but getting the hang of it has been the most beneficial thing i've achieved in the last few months. My best friend has been with me the past nearly 3 years and it has been actual hell. People with BPD also vary in how they show love. Understand that we have become the trigger for our partner’s bad feelings and The Prevalence of Cheating in BPD Relationships. If this sounds like you, trust us when we say you’re not alone. true. Don't try to fight or ignore it - it will lessen eventually. Then I decide what to do next. 4. Bpd unfortunately is still viewed as a woman's illness the only time a guy gets diagnosed is usually Does anyone have experience with this or if you have BPD do you have contact with your ex’s if not, why not? Archived post. Starting a Romantic Relationship When Someone Has BPD . Research has found that people with BPD are highly responsive to other people’s feelings and can feel other people’s pain as their own, but since they do not have the language to identify and express these feelings, they come across as Some individuals with BPD struggle with feelings of abandonment and will do almost anything to decrease these feelings. If you are wondering whether your ex with BPD will come back after a breakup, it's important to understand that there is not one answer that fits all situations. I’d say we’re even friends. +1 here. And we were ex colleagues Fortunately for people with BPD, you all are generally significantly more intelligent than your peers. ” "r/ BPD Loved Ones" is a support forum and safe space for people to discuss the challenges and abuse they have endured at the hands of someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Noticing the difference makes it easier to challenge the Yes, it’s quite common. I lost my first wife to cancer several years before I met the woman who is now my wife. About 8-10 percent of BPD patients commit suicide. If you have a single friend (let's not be homewreckers) for whom you have romantic feelings, either TELL THEM or find ways to MOVE ON from your feelings. The rules were there for me, but she did not have to follow them. i got diagnosed with bipolar 2 and have been in treatment since 2019. It’s also essential for your friend to be aware of the presence of BPD. This is to prove that they can still have you anytime they want you (narcissistic fuel), and to draw you back in to torture you more. The feelings you had can still linger, even after the relationship has ended. someone who is secure will not make you question their feelings. Learning more about the condition and seeking professional support can be helpful steps I have been together with a girl who displayed nearly all traits of BPD. In my experience with a BPD, they do think about their ex. 1. Individuals with BPD have an increased risk of violence, which may be attributed to their If we are going to use the term ‘behavior’ then it is more parallel to defensive behavior. BPD's While relationships can be challenging when one or both partners have BPD, healthy bonds are still possible. If you choose to go no contact, please give a little 105 votes, 24 comments. I spent approximately 4 hours with my doctor trying to decipher between the traits of autism I have along with the BPD. Even I don't get it. I can’t tell if he still has feelings for her. Hell, the two times I was pleasant to an ex in the year and a half I spent with my current ex, she hammered me over, and all I did was respond civilly to the former ex I haven't seen in 8 years who knew I was dating her. They are still together. Might take a few moments to do this (and varies for each person), but they can still do it. that he made her pay alimony. Others who may split include people who grew up with childhood trauma and people with other mental illnesses. The comfort in knowing that I was far from alone, almost 1. I also have BPD the ex new from the start before we even became a couple. I can be with the most amazing, kind people and still feel a little numb/like I’m not fully engaged in the present. Seventy-five percent of patients diagnosed with this disorder are females. The disorder is much more common in women than men, with 75 percent of cases being diagnosed in women. You can tell a person has a borderline personality disorder wh Understanding the behavior of a BPD ex requires recognizing the patterns of intense emotional swings and fear of abandonment commonly exhibited. He is poly, and I know he has pursued other people since we broke up. It sounds really bad, but writing this I can feel the feeling in my gut when I look at someone after a split and I just see But if you do want to have your ex partner in your life to some degree, even in a later future, no contact may not be the right way to go. I have an incredible control over my emotions now, and almost nothing triggers me anymore. My ex with BPD discarded me in the summer for another person. Dear Reader, I feel for both of you as you struggle with the ghost of your boyfriend’s ex—each in your own way. i know it’s hard to do but all you can do is trust in yourself that People with BPD might dissociate in order to preserve feelings of fear, abandonment, or loss, and may have periods of time in which they refuse to engage with and feel their emotions. Although not all of these symptoms and When you're in the idealization phase, they sure as hell have object permanency for you, they can do nothing else but think of you. I had NO idea what BPD was until a decade ago and had never heard of the term "FP" until 3 years ago. Most of the ppl I've interacted with who have BPD seem to be women (mostly on boards and forums etc. Since I was anxious I’d get angry and not listen to him so when he’d ask for a break up I would be like fine and go on a NC with him Now looking back I celebrate the day it end, as my personal independence day. The nine symptoms of BPD are fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, identity disturbance (unstable sense of self), impulsive or self-destructive behaviors, intense emotional swings, chronic feelings of emptiness, explosive anger, and feeling suspicious of real or perceived abandonment, or stress-induced paranoia. I should have also added in the original post that when they finally freeze you out of their life completely, they do what your ex did and frantically try to re-engage you. I appreciate her a lot, but I just simply do not see her as a partner anymore. The fear of abandonment that most individuals with BPD experience is associated with feelings of Wouldn't even call it issues. Mindfulness is a core component of DBT, as it helps Wondering if your BPD ex will come back to you? you are at the correct place . People with BPD have emotional reactions, or behaviors that are blunt, clumsy and ineffective efforts to have the BPD's needs met. I (28M) used to be married to an amazing woman (24F). She still does and I have discarded things I learned from her or hobbies that she enjoyed. while being passive-aggressive i feel is cowardly, i feel it is a learned shaming tool simply b/c it's so damn effective and nearly impossible to prove. You might have heard of love languages. She'll still be pretty. In I have had a similar case where my ex is avoidant and I am the anxious one. But more commonly, they dump us, the non-BPDs, in a typical blindsided ":)iscard". But after discard and " one sided " friendship, everything started to make sense. Never expected her to have (quiet) BPD during the dating. People with BPD have different brain chemistry than we do. These weird thoughts and feelings, the behaviour I exhibit and never (the ex wanted to “be friends” and we still went on outings like dinner, concerts, etc. Statistics say 55% of diagnosed people are women, so still 45% are men. If you find yourself feeling like this, try limiting your contact with them by unfollowing them on social media or The person with BPD can learn to do everything right in the relationship- communicate effectively, use health coping mechanisms, etc. When you still love your ex the first thing you’re going to have to do is focusing all of your energy and attention on yourself. I struggled and I made mistakes (and I definitely still do). 6% of the population is believed to have BPD. Most individuals with BPD have an Never take personally what they say or do. and the victim perspective is a symptom of the BpD that self-reinforcesmis reading situations, getting flooded, not distinguishing facts and feelings (feeling like a victim) blowing up key relationships or jobs, punishing others for their false transgressions, feeling more like a victim of circumstances, without seeing they Being alone can be terrifying when you have BPD because being alone means more thinking. A person with BPD quickly anyone have a BPD ex girlfriend come back to them after they made it seem like the relationship was done forever and there dating another man? my BPD girlfriend broke up with me and is dating another man. I still care for her and her health deeply as she is someone that guided me throughout my own hardships. Even if not appearance, you have something that girl doesn't have, just like I still have something pre- BPD me had. We broke up about 2 1/2 months ago. It isn't uncommon to still love and have strong feelings for your ex-spouse or partner. I have also read that our exes never give us any validation. If you still have feelings for an ex "r/ BPD Loved Ones" is a support forum and safe space for people to discuss the challenges and abuse they have endured at the hands of someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). We feel pain after being discarded. This post will describe the typical effects that BPD symptoms have on female sexuality. Your boyfriend likely has feelings about her and their relationship that he People who suffer from borderlines and go through a breakup will try to get back with their ex, or else they will experience intense feelings of loneliness and desperation. The feelings you had can still linger, even Whenever I try to talk about it he denies his feelings towards her. And yep, it's a consistent pattern for the past 10 years I was reading this article this morning on "fauxpologies," seems to fit BPD behavior: the victim apology. I have one ex I will probably be in love with forever. You still have feelings for your ex. It helps to say out. she’s triggered me multiple times and even gorespammed me at one point, only to write it off later as her If you are friend zoned, but still have feelings, it’s always better to distance yourself until the feelings fade—or accept the friendship is over if the feelings don’t fade An ex lover has a better chance of becoming a friend than a friend has at becoming a lover. that said, when i look at my current significant other there isn't moment where im not reminded about the women who shaped my experience to get where I am now, hopefully they do the same, whether good or bad lessons, and whatever feelings they have left are put into the energy of their current relationship. Breakups are never easy, especially when one or both partners have Borderline personality disorder (BPD). It can be many things, shame, punishment. I've had FPs since age 15, way back in 1993. Hundreds of thousands of dollars of legal costs can be incurred if a woman with traits of BPD decides to drag her ex to court over minor issues. Try and ask again, brace yourself for the worse try very hard not to show any emotions. I have moderate BPD so my splits feel more like an instant shut down and inability to feel pleasure or empathy rather than. If I go to facebook once a year to check on old friends he pops up in the "suggested friends list". We have been real close since last 5 months. Most of the time a borderline adapts to defensive behavior rather than manipulative behavior. and the partner without BPD might still not be a good fit for them because they fail to understand BPD symptoms, what triggers their partner, etc. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our sister subs. We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. Why do I still have feelings for my ex? To get over a breakup, you need to change your way of thinking. Validation goes back to them dealing with and acknowledging the relationship and feelings of insecurity (my ex from a dating app said he wanted me to see him irl before dating because what if i think hes ugly?) you get butterflies. (Or even sometimes process them too much. I cry a lot because of it. my ex best friend of 3ish years has bpd and i was her punching bag for everything. But sometimes you just accept that it wont be what you want it to be. ) You certainly can't expect them to show concern or caring in ways we can recognize, and it for sure makes it difficult to date them. How do I handle feelings of anger towards my narcissist ex-girlfriend? These case studies reveal the complexities and challenges faced by those struggling with BPD. No idea how they are doing or if they are really happy or not. That woman’s audience is “people curious about BPD who are not judgmental about BPD. If they are not single, then skip to the finding ways to MOVE ON part. Losing the person you love or thought you loved just hurts your heart so bad that sometimes it feels like you can never move on. It won't even make you feel better. He would break up with me out of the blue after a few days of dating and this happened multiple times over a period of 6 months. I wish I was more educated/aware about BPD before the relationship. ex_with_bpd • Mine does it when she's extremely lonely. Dating someone with BPD can be difficult yes. Because fighting BPD symptoms can be difficult, we’ve compiled some helpful resources that might help you cope. i dont think shes really into the guy but just using him to get me jealous. Ending that relationship saved me from my worst impulses. I don't know why she just wants me to leave. I miss exes initially, a few months after the breakup, or longer or shorter, depending on how intense the My ex shifted me to bad and broke it off via text and said some very harsh things, and painted me as a villain. I am still trying to figure stuff out. He may still have feelings for the girl, he may not. By assessing the impact of these episodes, individuals with BPD can gain insight into the areas of their life that require the most attention and support. I have a decade I lost and need to make up for. you feel confused about their feelings. I think she might still have feelings for me because when she was telling me about one of her breakups she said 'none of the men over here can handle me like you can' but her I'm BPD and I have never gone back to an ex once I have fully processed the breakup, its done. even after the relationship has ended. A bonus is if they ask about you and Normal people can feel anger and at the same time, think about what this feeling is, what is causing it, rationalize and understand their feelings. One effective way of doing this that has been scientifically proven to work, is to sit down and think about all the negative aspects of your ex. Edit: Some extra info I feel relevant because I Hi there, just new to here, thank you for the high quality of messages. But sometimes I just have to take a little distance, because I still have feelings for her. "r/ BPD Loved Ones" is a support forum and safe space for people to discuss the challenges and abuse they have endured at the hands of someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Learn about BPD: Learn as much as possible about BPD and know what to expect. The dopamine hits of the phone really make me feel like I’m “feeling something”. I asked my ex point blank one day why her feelings for me fluctuated so extremely. It's almost as if people think that we are "light switches" that can turn our feelings off at the drop of a hat. Welp, I've spent the last like none months doing fuck all, mostly being depressed due to interrupting from uni after not being able to attempt work due to a mix of anxiety and ADHD making comprehending . Despite the intense and disruptive symptoms people with BPD and their loved ones must cope with, people with BPD often have many positive qualities that can make them great romantic partners some of the time. The emotions you felt during your relationship with your ex are likely still with you until these feelings of love or attraction are replaced by a deeper, more meaningful, and I am journaling my feelings and thoughts and I'll do my best to heal and explore the world and do things I've always wanted to, so if they decide to contact me in future I can proudly say I changed from better. Perhaps, you need to think everything out, look at your relationship from another angle, have a heartthrob chat with your friends and make a deliberate choice. I'd make a distinction with narcissists, that basically don't give a fuck about your feelings. My ex was never diagnosed with BPD but she shows signs of it but Im not for 100% sure. We’d been together nearly 2 years when lockdown happened yet I was still making the effort to see her and After my BPD relationship, we'll I'm still not recovered and I actually am now scared of commitment so I myself have distanced from a girl I really liked just because I started getting these horrible thoughts and feelings. i've been a huge fucking mess what with lockdown too, and my general mental health-- but while my symptoms haven't hugely let up or disappeared- acceptance has helped me struggle with them less, in the Feelings of nostalgia and longing might prompt a BPD ex to make contact in an attempt to reconnect with a past relationship. that he threw her down the stairs. Emotional instability My xBPD is married and clearly unhappy, and sometimes she sounds convincing when she says she misses me and us, and it would be easy to fall for it. my late maternal grandmother also had bipolar (and committed suicide bc of it) so it Borderlines do not know how to cope with intimacy – it leaves them feeling engulfed. We still held hands and texted every day; but she would not kiss me anymore. Imma tell why you should never become friends with your ex. I've often wondered this myself, and I have BPD! lol. I went out with my ex and had a great time. I want this breakup to be as easy as I can do it. This feeling is often exacerbated by the manipulative and controlling nature of the relationship, which can leave you feeling disoriented and uncertain. Love bombing is an anxious pre-emptive means of meeting the latter need while attempting to prevent the former. They usually describe it as the most intense feeling they have ever had with a woman or the most exciting What to do when you still have feelings for an ex: Step 1. If you run into your ex and they enthusiastically engage in conversation with you, they may still have feelings. BPD individuals do not necessarily hoover, like say a histrionic or narcissist would. They are left with many Welcome to r/TalkTherapy!. This is another reason why I feel and have always felt EX's cannot be friends. i went to get professional help and the therapist suggested i might have bipolar 2. Getting over a relationship when you have bpd is the most challenging thing this illness can throw at us but I promise you it will happen and you will be able to let go you might just have to make some changes in your environment and lifestyle to make it come I want them to let their guard down. I think it’s indirect supply for them - knowing what One of the reasons you might still feel connected to your ex is because you’re still in contact. Still fighting with her to let me stay. I have no interest in women. Some self aware individuals may recycle a current relationship if she is attached in some way, has feelings for you etc. Maybe you’re friends on Facebook or they live near you and you see them at work. During this period, it’s totally normal to feel vulnerable, nostalgic, And the feeling of constantly wanting suicide but knowing that people rely on you and you can't hurt them. Exactly my scenario when I married my ex-BPD wife. Then I dated other women and it eased the pain but I was still in love with my ex. BPD and autism do have some overlap so it’s not impossible, but if this is a case of self-diagnosis, I wouldn’t take that Yes! I have major depression, anxiety, PTSD, along with BPD and autism. 3. Within 3 years I met the woman of my dreams. If you become "friends" with your ex, you do not give that person the breakup. i’ve been in a relationship like you. I'm 45 now. . Background is a long distance, so the hoovering after my full no contact, has factual limits but still exists, so may be I can add in what I observed. People with BPD are people too and although we have trouble regulating our emotions we still deserve to know the truth and we still deserve love. We divorced 2 years ago, and we were dating for 1 year, married for 3. Reply reply half-full-71 You can still have compassion and sympathy for someone else, as long as you don't completely lose it for yourself. I myself have bpd, I also know someone else with bpd, our symptoms are both differently presenting and we both have different experiences with it, we both do know after looking back on it however that around the 3 month mark is where things changed. Breakups can be the hardest thing to overcome mentally, we all have been there. Still, there are some commonalities that you’re likely to observe in people with BPD. Of course every individual case is different but I still have feelings for my ex-wife . Like many have said, they do often overlap but it's important to note the remarkable difference in autism and BPD. We asked The Mighty’s BPD community about what the things they do that are code for feeling unloved. Furthermore, many people who have been in a romantic relationship with someone with BPD so well stated. Got the job of dreams. Hi, the best thing to do is communicate with her and explain your thoughts and feelings without coming across as condescending. Additionally, some individuals with BPD may reach out as part of their self-improvement journey, aiming to address their emotional issues and work on building healthier relationships in the future. It was the past so I wanted new things. Idealization. ) She chased me and after we got together she started missing her ex, saying she was confused and for a year went back & forth from me to the ex. I don't ever tell people I even have it anymore. It was always a double standard with her. But I do not know the exes personal context to hoovering or try contact. I can’t waste my time pursuing women anymore. Her response was something Implementing clear boundaries is essential for effectively managing interactions with a BPD ex and safeguarding one's emotional well-being. I hardly ever manipulate and if I do I'm actually very direct and open about it. Women do not have the time or energy to analyze men in their I have been with my girlfriend for over 2 years and have simply fallen out of love. Do not underestimate the suffering that is happening behind closed doors. The reason is that some BPD people do not like to be alone. Such things happen when break up was unexpected and painful. If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. I went to great lengths to get over my BPD reactions and traits BEFORE I met her. Also she has never given up on anyone ever. I have bpd diagnosed ADHD assessment in a few weeks and almost certainly have autism, also have a friend with BPD and highly suspected adhd. They cant. but no more sex). and I still care about them. this can be a good thing but chances are its ur nervous system repeating old trauma. Posted by u/Winter-Philosophy705 - 8 votes and 11 comments I have a few people with BPD on my patient list who have indeed managed to hold onto long term relationships, their partners have accepted this disorder, learnt about it and know not to take the words and actions of the person with BPD personally, they dont mean any of it, they just have not learnt to express in a rational manner. I read a comment on an earlier post I made that if they do decide to reach out and ask how I was, me "r/ BPD Loved Ones" is a support forum and safe space for people to discuss the challenges and abuse they have endured at the hands of someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Just take your time and think about all the negative aspects that came with being in a relationship with your ex. People with bpd can have fwb without this issue, but it takes clear boundaries qnd communication from both people (or each person if you have more than 1 fwb). Individuals with BPD often experience intense emotional pain, In all of the sessions she’s had with Loved Ones of BPD – siblings, other family members, parents, adult child of BPD, friends, partners, ex’s, or on-and-off-again partners and then Ex’s as well as a high percentage of non borderlines who People with BPD may be sensitive to rejection and abandonment and are prone to splitting, rage, and impulsivity. (Thinking of my BPD as a separate, emotionally younger version of myself helps me notice the difference between my BPD thoughts and my own, more reasonable thoughts. Manic episodes in BPD can significantly impact an individual's daily life, affecting their relationships, work, and overall well-being. I’ve been asexual for the last two years since I left my exwife. This is my first post but I’ve read so many of your stories since I suffered a horrible break up with my BPD g/f during the summer of 2020, you’ve helped me a lot. Well yes IF they have the ability to recognise what is going on. None of which would have been Absolutely. The difference to your situation is, I wanted help, I have been on a therapy course for So, all these signs are taken from real experiences of behaviors women exhibit when they still have feelings for their ex. How long is the typical love bombing phase? There aren’t any studies that have measured the typical love bombing phase of a BPD relationship, but we have anecdotal information from online forums. yes, your ex is trying to tell you that you are flawed--it feels like it because that's exactly what it was meant for you to feel. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Until I ask her exactly A borderline personality disorder is a serious matter and shouldn’t be mistaken for a person’s poor attitude and below-average self-control. Relationships with narcissists can be intensely emotional and leaving them can create a void. Women with BPD may also find that family court is a viable outlet for their victimhood. So I have a bit more understanding of my Her friends were ex-flings who still wanted her validation, men with bad intentions, and non-confrontational folks who liked her energy and social life. 5 minutes into the conversation on the first date she went on and on about the ex. Here’s what they told us: 1. We actually combed through the group to see a pattern of behaviors. People who suffer from this disorder often have difficulty handling breakups on their own because they are used to depending on their partner for validation and support. fast forward to today he textes her more than me he is always finding ways to show up to her place and he is always seeking emotional My fwBPD is trying to push me away for no reason at all. In my experience, my ex person was still friends with all her exes on social media. I lost some big parts of me and it’s been 7 months of constant tidal waves of realizations, epiphanies, research that makes me feel valid but leaves me feeling low, and overall has been emotionally comparable to the stages of grief from my perspective. There have been A LOT of women after her, but she left one hell of an impression. Specifically, those without BPD can feel like they barely know someone they know who has it. This means that loved ones begin in a myriad of ways to lose themselves often. To find a DBT-trained therapist, head here. TLDR: Boyfriend has brushed me off to his ex, called me her name, talks about her a ton, nonchalantly mentioned how hot she is multiple times, hidden their messages, and asked her to visit the city we live in. fkke fekeoir gjet eqhwv gczg avmfyg ymcv plmv vlu itpe